The route of most people’s false perception in the fear of being alone or even worse being unloved comes through the social and generational conditioning of being defined, categorized and easily referenced. This was very familiar to me, growing up in the shadow of the army of siblings, with a mother hell bent on everyone of them gaining bits of paper from Universities as a measure of success; regardless of the emotional or physical costs.
As usual I did everything ‘ass upwards’ and through my own low self worth, fell into severely controlling relationships and an abusive marriage. Being brought up in an Irish Catholic family, the generational ‘pressure’ and guilt to produce the babies was always present, even though my vision was to be a science researcher and regardless of this, it had to go on hold indefinitely.
Ten years into a severely abusive marriage I managed to extricate myself and my four small children. The pressure was still on, now transmuted into a new form. Now as a single parent I had to carve a ‘career’ by social standards and spent the next eight years studying and working 56 hrs a week, before the pressure became too much and in my desperation…I woke up.
Through all this was a personal journey into me and for many years my dreaded times of year would be the Festive Season, New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day. New Year’s Eve would see me in bed by 9pm with ear plugs in. It was not just my incongruence with the whole commercial delusion of the seasons; it was also my painful ache for connection. It seemed no matter how much I bettered myself, how much money I made, nothing stopped the feeling of being alone or lonely.
It took a two year journey of deep internal work, of understanding every cell, atom, molecule in my form, of going past that to strip away the layers and layers of generational fear based illusions and false perceptions. It was a journey of consciously letting go of everything, mentally, emotionally, physically; giving away all my possessions, as when you have nothing left you perceive you could lose, there is nothing left to fear and so release comes to move past the fear illusion. It was from this place of letting go I found my abundance, for the first time came the recognition of serenity, clarity and purpose.
Self realization is the most powerful gift you can give yourself, all creation of your external environment comes from this. In this awareness it became very clear, inside most people is a feeling of being separated, disconnected, separate from everything and everyone and they are not, they are a part of everything and everyone, a facet of the whole.
The only way to let go of this misperception is to delve into the journey within you, this begins with letting go of the heavy burden of constantly trying to define yourself. Society confines and controls by keeping you in the illusion of being categorized, catalogued and easily referenced as ‘somebody’. These definitions hold you in the false perception you are a lost cause somebody, a ruthless somebody, a victim somebody, and enlightened somebody and on and on.
This is not who you are and the release of defining yourself is the first move to the self realization of the endless, indefinable, eternal magnitude of you, beyond all definitions. With this comes your expression of truth, without the self defining allows the very essence of your highest purpose and values to breathe and evolve. Where there is no need to hide or lie, to talk with somebody without the lies or sarcasms, no deceptions, no exaggerations or any of the things that people use to confuse the truth.